Just Another Day

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon my husband and I decided to treat our two little girls, ages 3 and 6, to frozen yogurt. We don’t live far from the yogurt shop and we wanted to use the new walk/bike path to walk there, which is only a couple of blocks from our house. Our girls decided they would ride their bikes. I decided to put on my running shoes. My husband decided to bring our two 9-month-old puppies.

As we began walking, our 3-year-old started brake-checking her bicycle about every five feet. This irritated my 6-year-old who, at the first opportunity, sped around her younger sister and took off like a bullet. My husband and I remained confident that we had this bike-and-puppy parade under control. Our 6-year-old will lead, I next on foot, followed by our 3-year-old, with my husband and dogs bringing up the rear.

It took a block for our 3-year-old to tire of brake-checking. It took less than a block for my husband to commence public scolding. She ignored him. Our 3-year-old is challenging, stubborn and daring, a dangerous combo.

When we reached the first street to cross, our 3-year-old ran into the back of my legs with her bike as I’m helping my 6-year-old off of her bike. Our 6-year-old is afraid of the dips and feels more comfortable walking her bike across the street. Not our 3-year-old. If I had a dime for every time I had to say her name…

By the time we reached the path the girls were really moving. I ran to keep up. I looked back to see my husband picking up dog poop. Yep, puppies, they’re like little machines. As he was bent over trying earnestly to remove the poop from the concrete, I noticed a guy on a bike with two large dogs coming toward him. I’m the first to admit our dogs need socializing and they prove it time and time again, like this time. Our dogs went crazy when they saw the two dogs that easily out weighed them by fifty pounds each. The fierce little buggers pulled their leashes taught while my husband was bent over, nearly causing him to lose balance. I’m glad I was far enough away that he couldn’t hear me laugh.

Using the path was great, but at every block you must cross the street. Normally I don’t worry much about this as we have taught the girls to stop at the intersection and wait for one of us. At this point, I’m not running, but I’m walking quickly just in case one of the girls tried something. It was then that our 3-year-old tried something. She began rolling toward the street where a truck was cruising. I shouted for her to stop, but apparently she used up the brakes on the first block. As she rolled into the street, I managed to grab the back of her bike just in time. Luckily, the man in the truck saw what was happening and he had stopped.

The near miss didn’t phase the girls, clearly, and they once again took off, riding for all it was worth. I too took off in a jog but managed to look back to see my husband now picking up poop from our other dog. Just as I looked forward, I saw our 3-year-old turning to see if I was behind her. She craned her neck so hard that she turned the handlebars, jackknifing the bike and crashing to the ground. She fell so hard, her helmet flew off. She was crying hysterically and all I thought about was her head. I didn’t know if she hit it or not. I picked her up and with the exception of a couple of bumps and bruises, she was fine.

After we arrived, we picked a nice outdoor table to sit at with a fresh bowl of water for the dogs. We got our yogurts and enjoyed every bit. I personally had earned mine. The time at the yogurt shop was a nice, uneventful time if you didn’t count our 6-year-old nearly dropping her yogurt and one of the dogs eating a gummy bear off the ground, which ended up stuck in her hair.

As we headed home my husband asked me, “Do we still have the kids knee and elbow pads?” I cracked up laughing, I just couldn’t help myself.

Someday

This love

Isn’t unrequited

Its mutual

Its real

We connect

And yet

We’re apart

We’re authentic

With each other

We love

Deeply

We hug

Tightly

We hold on

Fiercely

We matter

To us

The others

They wonder

Maybe

They do

They wouldn’t

Understand

Maybe

Someday

We can be

Together

Someday

Full Circle

Something really great happened yesterday. Yesterday I was the featured writer on Indie Ink. Some of you reading this have probably already been featured on Indie Ink, so what’s the big deal, right?

Well, here is the big deal. First, Indie Ink has a worldwide following and is a fantastic online publication. Second, although I have been writing most of my life, I never showed any of it to anyone. In fact, I destroyed everything I wrote up until about a year ago.

About one year ago, I began writing a book. I decided I would write it for myself and if nothing else, I would have two copies bound, one for each of my girls. But then something really great happened and a few months later I had a 50,000-word draft. Yeah, it is still in the editing phases, but for me, not only was writing it an accomplishment, but not destroying it as I have done in the past was an even greater accomplishment.

"I Stuck" was my first blog entry. My wonderful mentor and friend Ed Pilolla, who is an accomplished writer and journalist, encouraged me to show him the post. It took me awhile, but once he promised not to laugh, I sent it to him. Next thing you know, I started a blog and got the wonderful honor and opportunity to be on Indie Ink.

So, there you have it. The one thing I wanted to do all of my life, I am now finally doing. And can I just say, I’ve never been happier. Thanks to all of you for reading.

One Moment More

You are gone, but I think of you often. I sometimes wonder what I would say if I had one moment more with you.

Would I use it to say goodbye. Nah, I know we will meet again someday. Plus, you hate goodbyes. Would I use it to tell you how much I will miss you? How much my core will ache not being able to talk to you, hold you, love you?

Maybe I would use it to reminisce our good times, our fantastic times. Have I forgotten the tough times? No, but I have come to appreciate them. Our time together was a gift. I learned so much from you, from us. I know myself better than ever. I’m stronger.

If I had known our time together would be so short, would I have spent it more wisely? Would I have said, “I love you” more? Would I have made sure you knew how much I meant it? Would I hold your face in my hands and kiss you softly, tenderly, one last time?

If I had one moment more, I would tell you how proud I am of you. How safe you make me feel. How much I truly admire your compassion. How I love your giving heart. I will miss that beautiful little boy inside you that made me laugh and cry.

I understand your struggles. I know I can’t fix you and make things better. I learned that a long time ago. I tried to be your savior and failed. Your path was set the day you were born. But I can offer my heart and my hand. I can carry you as far as the end before we must let go. And with our bodies pressed together, yes, I will kiss you one last time.

I shall never breathe the ocean air again and not think of you. I shall never dangle my feet in the water, taste the salt on my lips and not think of you. And I shall never weep again the way I did with you.

We will meet again, my love. Of this I am certain, and I must be because I couldn’t bare it any other way. Until then, you will never be far from my dreams.

With You

Your arms hold me like no other. Warming me. Comforting me. I know you. I can’t resist you and I don’t want to. I am completely open to you.

You hold me close. I whisper into your chest “I want you.” You squeeze me tight and say the only three words I want to hear, “You have me.”

We are combustive. I know together that we are what everyone wishes they had. Of course they do. The big fantasy. Together we are perfect. The envy of all. We are sparks and flames. The perfect pair.

And what’s not to envy? Perfection? All want it. All pray for it. I prayed for it, but only with you. Only with you.

Others search and search, making something out of nothing. But together we are one. Powerful. Magical. Spiritual. Everything I have ever dreamed of. You have me.

The Glow

You work your magic. You glow with the most beautiful colors. You draw me in with hope. I see the alluring light within you. You are luminescent. I’m immediately mesmerized. I want to know you. I need to.

We quickly find that the attraction is mutual. Together we mesh easily. It feels so natural to be with you. We are not aware we are the long lost souls that have searched this life to find one another. Two filaments wrapped together tightly to give the brightest bloom. This life is beautiful. You’re beautiful. Together we are exquisite.

Though our time in this life will be perilously short, our souls know better. We will find each other time and time again. This is part of what draws us to one another. This is part of the fun. Finding that we fit like two pieces of the one and only puzzle. The spark is addicting and brings us back again and again. Discovering this makes the anticipation part of the pleasure.

This love is beyond human existence. It is a gift of gods. We have yet to learn how we have earned it, but that too will be part of the journey. Someday we will learn how two deserving souls passed the test. Until then, we will love with our hearts. Appreciate with our minds. And discover with our souls.

Blog Free Zone

You are traveling through another dimension – a dimension not only…no, no, no, that’s not right. I’m only going to dinner at a friend's house. Only. When I arrived, I was handed a glass of wine. Nice. It only took about two minutes for it to be declared a “blog free zone.” How can that be? I mean what would I write about? What did they anticipate happening that would be worth writing about? Well, plenty.

The night started off great. We had a glass of wine and some cheese and cracker appetizers. The conversation started off simple enough. It was the usual, how’s work going, kids, etc. But at about the time we sat down to eat dinner and started on glass of wine number two things changed.

Suddenly before any funny story was told (or acted out as the case may have been) I was told this was a “blog free zone.” I was reminded of this several times throughout the evening. We would laugh every time it was said and then the funny story would be told.

I sat there drinking glass of wine number three laughing my butt off and wishing I would write about some of the stories. The material was fantastic! But by glass of wine number four I wasn’t really sure I would remember any of the stories told, and were they really all that fantastic? Well, yes they were, but I had been sworn not to blog about them. I was even reminded that our “friend” has wonderful legal representation. No need to get crazy, now.

It’s such a shame that in my drunken stupor I agreed not to blog about any of it. But I didn’t say I wouldn’t blog about the “blog free zone” agreement.

The meaning of this blog entry isn’t meant to make anyone mad at me. Nor is it to frustrate readers who are wondering what in the world happened that night. It is merely to state that from here on, I cannot guarantee I will not blog about stories I hear. However, I am willing to negotiate with close friends and family. ;) (This is for the two friends/family that read my blog, thanks.)