You are gone, but I think of you often. I sometimes wonder what I would say if I had one moment more with you.
Would I use it to say goodbye. Nah, I know we will meet again someday. Plus, you hate goodbyes. Would I use it to tell you how much I will miss you? How much my core will ache not being able to talk to you, hold you, love you?
Maybe I would use it to reminisce our good times, our fantastic times. Have I forgotten the tough times? No, but I have come to appreciate them. Our time together was a gift. I learned so much from you, from us. I know myself better than ever. I’m stronger.
If I had known our time together would be so short, would I have spent it more wisely? Would I have said, “I love you” more? Would I have made sure you knew how much I meant it? Would I hold your face in my hands and kiss you softly, tenderly, one last time?
If I had one moment more, I would tell you how proud I am of you. How safe you make me feel. How much I truly admire your compassion. How I love your giving heart. I will miss that beautiful little boy inside you that made me laugh and cry.
I understand your struggles. I know I can’t fix you and make things better. I learned that a long time ago. I tried to be your savior and failed. Your path was set the day you were born. But I can offer my heart and my hand. I can carry you as far as the end before we must let go. And with our bodies pressed together, yes, I will kiss you one last time.
I shall never breathe the ocean air again and not think of you. I shall never dangle my feet in the water, taste the salt on my lips and not think of you. And I shall never weep again the way I did with you.
We will meet again, my love. Of this I am certain, and I must be because I couldn’t bare it any other way. Until then, you will never be far from my dreams.
this is marvelous. it's a good thing in this world to let go, as you have done. but you also demonstrate here that keeping connected in some spiritual way is a very good thing. really moving.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read work like this my intellect becomes useless. And I exist only as the emotional. The words you wrote cause me to remember the love I left behind when I departed China. You see once I had a happy ending, but I let it slip away...
ReplyDeleteThis was a beautiful read Tori!
Ed and Joe, Thank you so much, I am very flattered. I found this to be in a way one of my toughest posts to write and in a way one of my easiest. I think so many people play the woulda, shoulda, coulda game. I know I do. I guess this is my way of dealing. Also, I figure I’m not the only one. ☺
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful post, and so personal. You write about feelings which so many people experience; love and loss and wishing...
ReplyDeleteSo many people will relate to this post, thankyou for sharing it with them! (and me) :)
Iquitelikethat, thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming by to read it. I wanted to write this for a long time, but didn't know how. Then it came to me to write it as I feel it. :)
ReplyDeleteI really like this. I like the admission that there was something amazing there, and the ability to let go.
ReplyDeleteReminded me a little of Sweet Honey in the Rock's Wanting Memories.
Wendryn,Thank you so much! I wasn’t familiar with Sweet Honey in the Rock’s Wanting Memories, so I checked it out. I see what you mean. What a great song. ☺
ReplyDelete